at first it didn't sink in. and then i was way above my senses. way above everything else. i don't know if it's pain, or i'm simply relieved that i have finally uncovered the mystery that was him.
many things happened today. many things to write about. today, i found his name. today, i met his wife and daughter. today, i was not able to work because i was busy conjuring a dream. today, i said goodbye to the feelings that i carried for more than a month. today, i decided to visit my blog and tell my story.
i do not know if i am sad. my thought processes is currently updating (which means systems are down at the moment, kindly get back later). all i know is there is this void, this emptiness. it's like i'm trying to recall the days, the hours that passed, and i'm starting to wonder why i began to like him in the first place. but still no pain came, and heartache is out of the question. a friend said it's not normal - i told her it was my defense mechanism to preserve me from hurting. maybe it is... or maybe, i just fantasized about something that's not real.
if it's not real, then i guess it's true what they say: it's really hard to believe, when you know that in the middle of it is a lie. if what i felt wasn't real, then what is? if what i felt wasn't real, then it must mean that i have been sleepwalking this past month. i haven't been awake at all. only now, when it's over. ###
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