fearless forecast this 2015

so i've been thinking about resolutions and stuff for a few days now, probably coz it's january and it's that time of the year for resolutions. but i don't have any. or rather, i know myself too well to make resolutions only to break them at the very first instance. so i thought i'd make goals instead. and here's what i have written so far:
1. pay off my credit card debt (as in everything) by end of year. whoooo!!!
   i will never swipe again. i will never swipe again. i will never swipe again. i have an ongoing personal loan and a car mortgage. i need to get this little evil plastic card out of the equation if i wish to be a millionaire by the time i'm 35.

2. open my online stocks account.
   another way to start saving up to reach the ultimate goal: be a millionaire by 35 and retire by the time i'm 40. yessir.

3. visit another country. 
   this one's almost a done deal since my friends and i are planning to go to taiwan this june. however, if i can visit 2 countries this year, that would be awesome.

4. figure out what i want to do with my life. 
   whether to find a new career, to go abroad and work, or to start processing immigration papers for canada, the unhinged libran has no clue.

5. clean my room.
   it's a daunting task that i can assign to no one. in a sudden streak of diligence, i organized my dresser earlier. now it's just my study table, my cd/book/etc. shelf, my shoe rack, my closets, and the unopened boxes i keep somewhere. goodluck.

6. go out of town.
   maybe go to some beach somewhere, or climb a mountain perhaps. or a day tour to tagaytay. 

7. learn something new.
   a new language, or a musical instrument i guess. or maybe something that will further enhance my resume so i can figure out what career do i really want to be in.

8. achieve a weight of 115 lbs. or less by year end.
   because why not?

let's do this. ###

thoughts on an article, a.k.a. welcome back me

wow. it's been quite a while since i last posted. many things have changed since and maybe, just maybe, i'll put all the updates on my shit here later. right now however, i just need to vent out my thoughts on an article i read about an hour ago:

What It’s Like To Have Never Had A Boyfriend In Your 20s


i read the comments on this article and found myself with my own two cents to share. i wanted to write on the comments section, but i suddenly felt like i was in a sort of AA meeting, only instead of addiction i'm gonna be sharing my own single-blessed pains.

me: hi, i'm the unhinged libran, and i have had no boyfriend since birth
everybody: hi unhinged libran

right, so no. i thought that i'd reopen this blog instead.

reading the comments, i was surprised by the number of people that are going through the same thing the author wrote. i myself didn't choose to be single, but the idea of "putting myself out there" isn't my strongest suit. i've only ever had one suitor back in high school, but i didn't want to lead him on just so that i could get myself a guy like all the others, even though i wasn't attracted to him -- so i turned him down. do i regret that decision? nope. he's been going out with another high school friend for several years now and they're very happy. although once in a while i do have a "what if" moment, where i think about an alternate universe where i said yes and we hooked up, but it passes just as soon as it comes.

look. i'm a great catch, if i do say so myself. i'm fairly intelligent. i look human at the very least. i have a stable job. i'm generally nice to everyone. i share. i can cook and do chores. i'm not afraid to rough it. i'm low maintenance -- just feed me and i'll be happy. i'm not a picky eater either, though i have to say i'm partial to chocolates and cheese. friends say that i look like a snob at first glance, partly because i'm quiet around people i don't know, but mostly because i own a face with a default mode of 'frown-y'. but then they get to know me and realize that i'm one hell of a crazy cookie. so why the hell are those guys not lining up to woo me? well, they're probably busy with victoria's secret models at the moment.

at the end of the day, i guess what i'm really looking for is that person who would tear down the barriers i built around myself and still accept me. or that person who is willing to let me in. i'm the unhinged libran, 28, and still not giving up hope that my someone is out there somewhere, and we'll meet someday when we're both ready. ###

bleeding caffeine

must. stay. awake..

i'm not feeling too good a the moment. my heart is beating so fast yet my mind is drifting amongst the clouds. that's what a triple shot espresso does to the senses. oh yeah, and my stomach's having caffeine intolerance at the moment. yup. number 2 on the way, hope i reach home before that happens.


my goal is to roll~

just signed up for aikido classes and my body's aching all over. and i still don't have my gi. and i don't know how to roll. and i can't remember the warm up exercises, let alone those 5 basic steps! upset upset upset. but i'll come back. i'll practice. i promise.


what's written in the stars?

so it turns out i'm no longer a libran. shit. with that serpent holder called pikachu or whatever messing up outer space, i'm not sure what to believe in anymore. not that it matters much anyway. the stars can only go as far as the sky stretches across the earth's horizon, so it'd be really stupid to lay your future on a bunch of celestial rocks drifting across the universe, right? for me, it's just frustrating coz i've been the unhinged libran for 3 years now, and i don't want to be a virgin lunatic just because the stars told me so. hell to the n-o!


 
where do we go from here?
 
so i thought i'd post another one of those ramblings i had back in the day. here it is.
 
How I wish I could go back to school
and bring back times I took for granted then
we all thought that time would never wane
But like the moon, it did
When sorrow takes over our day
We'll all be wishing life was over.
But then friends come to give consoling shoulders
And so make the sorrows worth our time too

I missed the moments when I still held my youth
And thought that moment would last forever
But forests age and so do people
there is no going back for wasted yesterdays
So came regrets and unfinished dreams
We all have to wake up to painful realities
and sometimes throw away those great ambitions

Larger than life portraits of ourselves are drawn
Other people may see the tapestry
but we cannot
For we are part of it.
We are part of time.
we often try as hard as possible to hold the moment
but the moment itself lets us go because it must move on
and we can't go to where it's going,
for we are destined to journey elsewhere

We in endless solitude will watch the moon
as it completes its cycle
But the moon will never be in the same position as before
As we are not designed to be in the same place forever

haay

02feb2008 1845 mla time

the days i thank the heavens for not granting me a driver's license

another late day at the office. for the past year, being tardy has become a habit. yes it's a bad one and no one should follow my lead, no matter how bored they are at work, but being a habit, it's just so hard to shake off.

dunno why i bought something to eat during my 30-minute break. i wasn't hungry, i have no intention of eating. heck, i wasn't even thinking about food. the next thing i knew, i have a plate of rice and binagoongan (pork cutlets sauteed in fish paste a.k.a. delicious-dish-no-matter-how strange-it-sounds-to-foreigners cuisine) in front of me, and I, in front of the office pantry's tv. began to watch a documentary about the issues regarding traffic, and how my country has been slowly advancing to the next level in terms of providing better transportation watch all over the metro. they boasted of some 60++ cctv cameras watching over those automobiles along with my fellow commuters. they crooned about the number of traffic rescue teams (around 6-15 units[?]) going over the city to assist in emergency situations and road accidents. they warned the public that there are eyes watching wrong doers & traffic violators everywhere.

but why is it not enough? why are there still accidents occuring at almost every blink of the traffic lights? why are there still a lot of drivers boldly beating the red light & cutting other vehicles? why are there still a lot of people proclaiming themselves, "king of the road"?

for someone who is always hopeful about the future of the country, it's painful to go outside and feast one's eyes on bumper to bumper traffic, and let one's ears be assailed by hundreds of honkers trying to get past each other. on days when i try to go to work early (mind you, you can count those days using 10 fingers and a foot), it's really frustrating to arrive at the office about a minute late, just because traffic got in the way. now where are those "watchful eyes" when you need them? is there still hope to wake up to for another day?

if only those CCTV cameras can zoom in close enough to watch the exchange of "kotong" money between corrupt traffic enforcers and abusive/ignorant/innocent drivers...

if only government-regulated transports are being properly utilized, come in large numbers, have wider coverage than mobile phone networks, and cheap (if not free).

if only transportation/traffic laws are implemented on a fair (vs. now: officer, i'm late for work and i'm a politician/lawyer/actor/really really rich guy, could you just let me pass this one time & by the way here's your lunch allowance kthnxbye) and consistent (vs. now: business days from 7am-8pm, city center only) basis...

if only the price of petroleum & other gasoline products are subsidized, or if only the government showed more support on that bio/hydro/solar-operated automobile inventions...

if only i can have that shiny black blingy car... ok scratch that, who am i kidding here?

well anyway, it's not bad to dream big dreams for one's nation right? if the other countries can do it, we can too right? if we all work together, nothing's impossible right?

if only. if only it were that easy.

the road to success is a bumpy one. my motherland's currently low on fuel and stuck in a pothole along that road. nevertheless, let's all enjoy the ride. better yet, why don't we try to be better drivers at least? - cesiaj ###

don't tell me you're working when you're not

scanning 'illegal' sites, writing blog posts... graveyard shift can be so boring, that one has to settle to the thrill of getting caught not doing anything. very original.

i bought some sick stuff today. a one-of-akind planner, entitled The "Puso Lang Yan, Malayo sa Bituka" Planner for 2011. it was soo cool I bought another one for a friend whom i think would make pretty good use of it. yup, she's lovesick. eww. :)
need matchsticks? yes please. 2. uhh, no, make that 3, so that there's a spare in case 1 gets broken. desperately need to open these drooping eyes!

where sleeping quarters become an oasis in the middle of this horrendous desert of a schedule; where super security pop-ups & web blockers become your worst enemies; where your colleagues gradually blend in your dreamworld as a unified buzzing sound similar to the noise created by mosquitos; where caffeine becomes your self-professed life saver; and your log-out time serves as the light at the end of a very loooooong & dark tunnel. that's gy. yes. gy.

spice girl: tell me what you want, what you really, really want. so tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
cesiaj: i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wannaaaaaaaa.... i wanna really, really, really wanna sleep-a-sleep ahhhh!


my humor's taken a turn for the 90's. it's probably a dream, or this dark mocha's got some serious side effects.


8 more minutes & it's break time. (though i did get an unscheduled break a few hours ago hehe). gosh. 17 more shifts to go. crawling through the blankets already. slowly dying. waiting for the rising sun. ###

grab your head scream and shout

boredom. funny how my life could be summed up in one word. i'm now walking a zigzag line, & i don't know where my path is headed. no clue as to what i should do with the future, what I did with my past, and what i'm doing with my present.


the only way i can think of for a brighter tomorrow, is to retrace my steps and go back to square one. Oh, the agony of starting all over again! The pain of having so much time wasted on trivial pursuit, only to reach a dead end!


if it's the only way... if there's no other way. then it will be time to throw my destiny to the winds and hope to the mighty that something positive happens. ###

posted by Fritzes007. i'm totally addicted to old school rock n' roll these days.