there's pain in my heart that would never go away. days crawl by me, but i stay still in time. everything's frozen, and no sound could be heard. everything's dark, and there are no stars. a world that exists in my today, where there is no present, no future, only one single soul living in the past. that's where i am.
i try to break free of the lethargy that washes over me as i wake up to a brand new morning. i desperately try to splash some color in my dull gray life (if you could even call it 'life'), but to no avail. i'm left with a feeling of wastedness, even at the start of the day.
the music that once was, is not there anymore. not even that sad love song that kept playing in the background. all that's left is a heartbreaking sound of utter silence.
i sit behind my desk for hours on end, with a headset plugged to my ears most of the time - a weapon to shut the silence that engulfs me. but somehow, even at the loudest volume imaginable, even as my ears bleed from those earpieces that transfer chemical waves of noise in me, there still exists that restless quiet within. like a blackhole, slowly... but surely getting larger by the minute.
it scares me to disappear from this earth as nothing more than dust and bones. with no one remembering what i was worth when i was still living.
maybe that's where the problem lies. i live for nothing. i strive for no one. and though a heroic part of me would desire to die to save another life, there is no "other" out there to die for. life is a concept, a theory. living is hard.
"the loneliness continues. i'm badly in need of a lover. lol" - cesiaj
