and there he is again. my paranoia makes me think about ludicrous stuff lately. but then again, why should i complain? for the first time in ages, i'm inspired to work. imagine that?!
though i'm mostly daydreaming in my cubicle, it's a huge improvement. i never really liked to go to work, but because of him, i render 2 hours overtime every single day. ok so maybe the overtime is not purely because of him (i really need the extra pay), but still.
***
i heard his voice for the first time today. i've been stalking him for the past week and i hope he's dumb enough to not notice. it's like having a schoolgirl crush once more: me and my accomplice waiting for him to take the elevator on his way home. me and my accomplice riding the elevator with him and his friend. me, not even looking at him. me, hearing his voice for the first time. me listening to each and every word he said to his friend. me, laughing my ass off along the streets of the city with my accomplice, while walking with my new shoes which are extremely painful and almost killed my toes. me, addicted. me, in love?
no. it's a complication that i just can't take. who am i anyway? i don't think he even knows i exist. unless of course he already realized that there's a "love sick" fool following his every move whenever she gets the chance. oh God i hope not.
is he married? is he seeing anyone? is he gay? i don't have a clue. i don't know why i like him. maybe because i'm looking for a distraction from my boring life? maybe because i needed an oasis in the middle of my desert? maybe because i found the... one? stop it!
i can't. it just keeps on flowing. i've got a stranger lingering in my lips and i can't shake him off from my memory, vague as he is in there. this will pass. hopefully tomorrow. but that would be a devastation.
i can't deny the need for a heart jumpstart. my blood is pulsing with inspiration. my mind is clouded with thoughts of him. my senses are obsessed with his wholeness. my fingers are itching to keep on talking about him. my need is to know him and probably solve the mystery that has been plaguing me for days.
i need to breathe. but sometimes the cloudy skies can be so compelling, that i just forget what i'm breathing for. it's too early to predict anything. but before this schoolgirl crush gets out of hand, may i just whisper my wish to the heavens?: i wish he likes me too. i wish he does something about it. ###
"i kept shouting an unknown name in my mind; it grew so often that i almost tasted his flavor; it became malignant and swallowed me whole; bottomline, i became a shadow once again." - cesiaj.moi
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