just a few hours ago i suddenly remembered, that i have not written anything decent in quite a loooong time. the poet is dead. i’m mourning.
getting dizzy… didn’t know espresso would have this effect on me. being on graveyard shift on the first month of the year is already tough. but what’s tougher is to hinder sleep time with a pretty interesting drama DVD. to sum it up, i’ve probably slept less than 10 hours for the past 5 days. so dizzy.
spending the past few hours of my sleepless life locked up in a lightless room, discoveries about self, about changes, about myself changing, are inevitable. i hate the person i'm turning out to be. and i'm afraid to be my own mortal enemy. the more i try to be a better person, the worse i behave. should i do it backwards then? should i now strive to be the worst person imaginable, so that i would have no disappointments in the future?
i can feel my brain whirring tiredly inside my sleep-deprived head, a quiet drumming around my neck that feels numb.
the habit of rereading previous writings have not yet disappeared. i keep telling myself that one should never regret anything that has been done, but rather to regret the things that one did not do. i do not regret saying back then that writing is not my passion, but i do regret abandoning myself, and not snatching a pen and paper when the writer inside urges me to do so. i regret my lazy bouts of tantrums, when i felt that the whole world has left me to drown in the shallowness of society. i regret the moments when i watched passively each good and bad thing happening around me, as if i was window shopping with the thought of never having to spend anything by the end of the day.
thanks to a certain person, i now learned the new meaning of regret. in this cruel world, awareness is the key to survival. destiny is the path that one should follow, and creating it should be one's moral goal.
now it's time to try to get some sleep. i'm at the office by the way. hehe ###
No comments:
Post a Comment